There just aren't enough naps in the day

I have been wanting to blog.
I have a handful of topics that I've wanted to write about.


There just aren't enough naps in the day.


Thinking back to my post at the beginning of the New Year, one word that I wanted to focus on was "intentional." I wanted to be more aware of my choices and the consequences of those choices.

Do I want to be lazy and use disposable diapers today or will I use the cloth diapers we have? (Not to say that one is lazy for using disposable diapers. I have cloth diapers and feel that I should use them for economic and environmental reasons.)
Do I want to buy apples in a bag that can be recycled or get the organic apples in the pretty plastic-non-recyclable packaging?
Do I want to spend X amount of time blogging or should I do things that need done around the house i.e. laundry, dishes, baking, cleaning?

I remember hearing Ree Drummond in an interview say that she started blogging when her kids were in school because she had the free time.

Me? I do not have the free time. I have a one year old... who is almost to one nap a day. God, please help me; I really enjoy her two naps a day.

And about that- I have a one year old.
How in the world did that happen?
(Well, I know how it happened, but time has flown by!)

With Summer fast approaching, time inside is becoming less and less. Yesterday, I spent a good chunk of time weeding a flower bed out in front of our house while little girl napped. My husband made the flower bed last Fall and planted daffodils, irises and daylilies. It's pretty and all, but it's right by the road, so we have to weed it. Everyone sees it when they drive by...

More time has been spent in the garden, too. I've only helped with transplanting so far, with that only happening when the little girl is sleeping.

I know I spend way too much time on my phone, so I'm trying to me more intentional about what I use it for.
Blogging has become one more thing on the to-do list that I don't think I want to invest my time in.

I'm sure this hiatus or very sporadic blogging schedule will not upset anyone, since not that many people take the time to read this.

If you do read this and follow me, thanks for taking the time to peak into a little snippet of my life.

If you do read this and are sad, you can follow me on Instagram @mamamccray. I regularly post pictures of cookies, breads, crochet projects and many, many pictures of my little girl.

This is me being real about life.

This is me trying to be intentional about my decisions and spend time doing things that are most important to me.

Being a stay at home parent is hard work.
Being a stay at home parent with a little one doesn't last forever, so I'm sure someday maybe next week, maybe in a year from now I'll want to blog again.

<3 Colleen

recharged batteries & a perspective of gratitude

My, what I thought of as a realistic goal of keeping up with this blog has been wishful thinking.

As a stay at home Mama, the days get full-- real fast.

Monday- Grocery shopping and Cecilia's laundry

 

Tuesday- Clean the bathroom and diaper laundry

 

Wednesday- Finish cleaning the bathroom, vacuum and our laundry

 

Thursday- Finish vacuuming and diaper laundry

 

Friday- Mix up pizza dough, re-vacuum the whole house and "fill in the blank with whatever else happened that needs done"

Saturday- Change and wash sheets, towels, napkins, placemats,
bake bread and meal plan

Sure, that doesn't sound like a lot, but with an almost- dare I say it- toddler, everything takes twice as long.


My husband and I both celebrated our 32nd birthdays over the past two weeks. I know it's not old and I don't feel old, but it sounds old.

In a couple weeks our little girl will be a year. THAT is old! I don't know how that happened.

Life is full of many blessings and I am very thankful for all that has taken place over this last year.

We are about to embark on Spring, the time when we prepare for the growing season. I've felt a little bit like Laura Ingalls during The Long Winter, minus the part about only eating potatoes and twisting straw to keep the fire going. The earth is finally waking up and the color has returned, along with robins and daffodil buds.

I'm not going to complain about our long Winter. As a resident of northwestern PA, I really appreciate the changing seasons and see that each one has a purpose. Winter is a time when we can recharge our batteries, slow down. Every year I look forward to fresh veggies and sunshine, but forget how busy the season is and how much hard work it takes to accomplish our daily tasks.

Last year proved to be a pretty difficult season for me. As newly postpartum, I wasn't able to help in the garden with weeding or picking and my husband did all of our canning and freezing.

I remember one day running out to the garden after I put Cecilia down for a nap to weed the green beans. I love weeding. (Yes, I am weird.) It's the instant gratification of pulling weed and allowing the plant to thrive and grow.  I missed it. I missed contributing to the garden and helping my husband with all that needed done. I had hopes of putting Cecilia in a baby carrier and hoeing or picking peas, but that wasn't reality. I was forced to slow down and take a back seat. Towards the end of the season, I helped a bit more and it was so satisfying.

Cecilia isn't walking yet, but I'm sure she'll be getting her steps in soon.

This Summer will still probably be challenging, but with a renewed perspective and restful Winter, I'm ready for what this season holds.


We have our greenhouse up and running.
Seed trays are starting to fill up the tables.
Seedlings are popping through the soil.
I see blue sky.

...and I think a baby girl is waking up from her nap!


Let's have a great day whatever happens.
Let's have a perspective of gratitude for what we have.
And possibly hang some laundry on the line.

<3 Colleen

It's my choice. I'm going to have a good day.

I just finished my second cup of coffee. It was cold, but I drank it anyway. I had already reheated once and was too lazy to nuke it again.

I'm listening to baby girl babble on the monitor. It's nap time, but she's fighting it.

Laundry is whirling away. The buzzer on the dryer just went off. I should probably switch it out.

Today is Monday. For me, that means grocery shopping and cleaning the bathroom.

Woot.

My to-do list doesn't seem that impractical today, so that's encouraging. However, I didn't write "blog" on there, so we'll see if things get thrown off.

Many times the days just run together.
There's always laundry.
There are always dishes to be washed, clothes to fold.

I can't help, but be thankful for all of it.
(even on the hard/frustrating/lonely days.)

When I want to have a pity party for myself, I think of my husband who works (outside, in all kinds of weather) so hard, so that I may stay at home with our baby girl.
A plus is that, he likes his job. He likes the people he works with. It's not always the same, so it isn't too monotonous. But even if he didn't necessarily enjoy his job (because he's had jobs that aren't the best), he does them anyways, rarely complaining.
I am so grateful for his positive work ethic and his selflessness.
He is the best husband-ever.

Baby girl fell asleep.
::happy dance::

It's going to be a good day.
The sun is shining despite the lower temperature.

It's going to be a good day because I'm going to have a good attitude.
Whether baby girl cries hysterically in the grocery store, or someone cuts me off in traffic, or if my coffee is cold.

It's my choice.
I'm going to have a good day.

To brighten your day, I'll share with you my latest crochet project- the Dutch Rabbit!

The pattern was purchased from lovecrochet.com It was designed by Katalin Galusz. I used worsted weight yarn instead of the sport weight as the pattern calls for, so it turned out huge- as it almost life size.

I also crocheted a basket to put yarn in, halfway through making the rabbit.
Does anyone else like to think of other projects to do while you're in the middle of one? I do- all the time.

 

I hope you decide to have a good day.
I don't think you'll regret it.

Colleen <3

today is a green day

For a month now, I have been seeing my days in color.

Yesterday was a blue day.

Today is a green day.


I have wanted to make a "temperature" project for a while, but never got the yarn needed in time.
I started a few weeks late, but got to Joann's to buy my eight skeins of yarn and got going.

"What are you even talking about?" you ask?

I'm making a temperature scarf. (It is more common to make an afghan, but I have scaled it way down to make a scarf.)

I found a chart, made by Yarnspirations.com and have crocheted a row each day depending on the temperature.

 

 



I don't have the exact colors as suggested, but found similar ones. A few colors are marled to give a different effect.

Making a scarf has been nice because one row only takes a few minutes. It also allows me to work on other crochet projects at the same time.

The pattern that I am using is from www.stitching-together.com and is called Wrap Me In Diamonds.

Because I change colors pretty frequently, the diamond pattern is a bit hard to see, but I think once I am done and block the scarf, it will show.

We have been experiencing every weather pattern imaginable: snow, rain, sun, fog, clouds... This project will be very vibrant for sure.

I have a feeling I may need to go out and buy another skein or two in various colors and I wonder how many rows will be red, which depicts 89 degrees or higher...

A couple things I've had to do to make things easier are label my skeins, so I know which one is for what temperature and to weave in ends as I go along. I don't always have to switch colors, but as you can see, I've had a lot of color changes already.

Whether your day is purple, blue, green or red, I hope it's a good one.

Colleen <3

new found freedom

The following post has been brought to you by "Nap Time."

"Nap time," where the house is quiet and the coffee is hot for at least one hour.
"Nap time," don't you want some time to yourself?

Naps are going so well, guys, thanks for asking!

Truth be told, the first week was brutal.

Bru-tal.

Everytime I'd put her down in her crib, little girl would just wail.
{Heartbreaking I tell you.}

I stuck with it. I didn't give in. If I knew she was tired, I'd nurse/sing/rock/put her in her crib, repeat. Now, she is either so tired that she immediately puts her head down or she looks up at me with a big smile, I blow her two kisses and she's on her way to Dreamland.

Every once in a while, I'll get a little cry, but it lasts two minutes tops. I turn on the monitor and hear her babble, make her sleepy sounds and she's ouuuuut.

Another "perk" of a nap schedule is Cecilia goes to bed early. As in between 6 and 7 o'clock early. Now, my husband and I have more time together and we go to bed at a reasonable time. One night we were in bed by 9:03. I couldn't believe it.
Cecilia used to "take a nap" at seven o'clock, wake up at 8:30 and then fall back asleep at 10 or 10:30. (New parent we-didn't-know-what-we-were-supposed-to-do problems.)

I digress...

Since I've had this new found freedom at naptime, I have been baking more and crocheting.

If you've been around since the beginning of my blog, you know that I like to crochet stuffed animals for new Mamas.

My repertoire is pretty lengthy.

I've made:
Owls and a bunny, elephants, giraffes, a panda, penguins, a fox, a zebra, a duck, teddy bears, flamingos, monkeys and a whale.

I just finished and mailed off a stuffed animal for a friend. She requested an elephant. I'd made an elephant in the past, but wasn't happy with the design. After looking on Pinterest and Ravelry, I couldn't find anything I liked.
Using some basic increasing and decreasing, I came up with my own elephant, that I think turned out really well.

 

I'm working on another stuffed animal, but you'll have to wait to see what it is and how it turns out. (It's a surprise!)

 

 

As the saying goes, "the shoemaker's children go barefoot," so "the crocheter's baby doesn't have a stuffed animal" or something like that...

 

I have yet to make a stuffed animal for Cecilia. I am planning to make one for her as a birthday gift. I haven't decided what animal to make. I once tried to make a cat, but it didn't turn out cute at all and I stopped halfway through. I was following a pattern. Maybe I should make up a cat pattern? A chicken would be fun.

 

What do you think?

Comment below on what animal I should crochet.

 

What projects have you been working on this Winter?

It's another cold one here in Northwestern PA. I'm definitely thankful for cozy days inside. And I may or may not be in my pajamas still...

 

Colleen <3

 

 

Naps are everything.

I fully understand the phrase: It takes a village to raise a child.

Being a first time parent, many times you wish your baby came with a manual.

I'm constantly reading parenting articles and texting my sisters and friends, "Is this normal?... Did any of your babies do this?"

We are extremely blessed with our little one, for many reasons. One blessing has been that she started sleeping through the night pretty early. I remember that first morning my husband turning to me and asking, "Did you get up and feed her? I didn't hear her crying. You better go feed her!"

Naps have been a different story.

My husband would come home from work and ask how my day was.

"Oh, it was good. Ceci took two good naps. I was holding her, of course, so I didn't get anything done on my to do list."

We kept asking each other when she should be falling asleep on her own. Every time I tried to put her down for a nap it was cry-fest.

At Christmas, I got together with my good friends from high school. All of us now being Mamas, we have a lot to share and compare as most of our little ones are close in age.

In our story swapping, and in further reading, I learned that my little one should've been falling asleep on her own for some time now. As in months ago.

(Before I get the eye rolls, may I remind you that I am a first timer. This is all new to me.)

I immediately had a break down.

Being a stay at home mama is great. I get to be with Ceci all day and snuggle with her all day. Well, yeah, but in the meantime, she trained me to be her pacifier and she learned to fall asleep with me.

An outpouring of more texts to my sisters and girlfriends went out.

Ceci needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own.

This is when the clouds parted and I found out that not all hope was lost!

We are slowly getting a napping schedule down. I have time to crochet, blog, bake and clean... now I don't have any excuses anymore.

As my friend Susan said after I told her about Ceci's first good nap in her crib:

"Naps are everything."

To you veteran mamas out there, this probably all seems very silly, but how else do we newbies figure things out?

We need to be supportive.
We need to share our experiences and mama-wisdom.


Now I'm going to share a little gem of a tip for you. This is something I took from my sister Alice and did last week when Ceci was napping.

When I bake cookies, my husband and I don't need an entire batch all at once. (That's just dangerous.) I bake about half a dozen and scoop out the rest and freeze on a sheet pan. When the dough is frozen, I put them in a zipper top bag and bake more cookies when we want them. I label the bag with the oven temperature and how long to bake them for. Because they're frozen, they'll take a few minutes longer than usual.

Any baking hacks you want to share?
Parenting hacks??

I'll take any wisdom I can get!

Colleen <3

Let's be real.

New year.
New season.
New blog.

I'm not much for New Year's Resolutions. I have made some goals for the year. I guess "goals" sounds better than "resolutions" because they are something that I can continue to work towards and don't feel bad if I totally forget or fail to do... like working out and eating less sugar.

A few things I have started this year are:

Bullet journaling, which is basically my to do list for the day in a pretty journal instead of on a scrap piece of paper. I like to make lists and cross things off. I feel more accomplished, also in the journal I can doodle and work on my modern calligraphy writing.

Choosing a word for 2018, well actually words. I picked two: contentment and intentional.

Being a Mom is no joke. It is giving of yourself and putting your child(ren) in the fore front.
I want to take a long hot shower and blow dry my hair and put makeup on and crochet and paint and sew and blog, but that all can wait.

My little one is almost nine months old. I can hold her in my arms and snuggle with her.

She won't be little forever.
She is on the verge of crawling, which reminds me, I totally need to order that baby gate from Amazon...

I need to be content with this short season of life. Someday she won't want snuggle and lay her head on my shoulder.

I need to be content with the fact that I only wear the same five nursing shirts, however unflattering they are because I need to be able to feed her when she's hungry. Why are most nursing friendly shirts so loose and resemble the construction of a tent?

I also want to be intentional about my choices.

I went grocery shopping and was intentional about buying vegetables and fruits, but not really intentional about the fact that everything I bought came in some form of plastic.
I want to be intentional with what I'm bringing into our home. I don't want to be bringing in junk or waste.

I want to be intentional with my time.
Am I paying attention to my little one or am I on my phone looking at nonsense?
Am I giving my full attention or just putting on a show?

I want to be connected.
I want to be living an intentional life and not just sitting back watching other people's lives on a screen. Which is usually a front... we all have our stuff we don't want others to see, but we find a cute filter and put on a smile.

It's time for us to be real.

We don't have it all together.
We have our struggles, our fears, our insecurities.

We need to be open.
We need to be vulnerable to let others see that we need each other.


Here is my real moment for the day:

I went to church to work on the church newsletter this morning. I brought the exersaucer for Cecilia to play in. I had a feeling it wouldn't cut it since she was starting to fall asleep as I was nursing her before we even left.
I brought her in the office, set her in the exersaucer and after about ten minutes she was already fussing. She's teething and she was sleepy. Not a good combination.
I tried to nurse while I hunted and pecked at the computer. No dice. I put Cecilia back in the exersaucer, reassuring her that I was almost done. (Of course, I wasn't almost done, but it made me feel better...)
It also doesn't help that she can say "Mama" and raise her arms indicating that she wants to be picked up.
I finished what I could and finally picked her up. We'd been at church about an hour and a half and I didn't have much hope for more time there.
I took her into the nursery and put her on the changing table, only to find out she had a blow out. (Insert Mom guilt here.)
I changed her diaper while getting poop everywhere in the process. I looked in her diaper bag to find no appropriate sized clothes. The diaper bag is a black hole on Earth. You have no idea what could be in there. It is bad, you guys...
I put Ceci in something more resembling a 3/4 length sleeved onesie and some high waters.
I got her loaded in the car along with the exersaucer.
Two minutes into the ten minute drove home, she was asleep.

There is no perfect.
Let's be real.
Let's be honest.

Here's to sharing more real moments!

<3 Colleen

Best year ever.

A year ago today, I found out I was pregnant.

I had an in-service meeting at school, and in between our morning and afternoon sessions, we all went to Perkins for lunch. I stopped at CVS before going to lunch and bought a "Clear Blue" test, you know, the one that says "pregnant" for easy affirmation. The test from the day before was a cheapo one with the lines, and was hard to get a good reading.

I remember feeling really excited and weird during lunch.

During the morning session, our principal asked each teacher, "How was your Summer?" "How are you doing?" I really wanted to say, "I think I am pregnant!!" But of course kept calm and said we had a nice Summer working in the garden.

When I got home from school, I couldn't wait to take the test. The longest five minutes of your life is when you're waiting for the results. The word "pregnant" in dark gray letters showed up.

That following weekend, we were going camping at a bluegrass festival in New York. This was our fourth year going. It was a beautiful weekend. Walking around the campgrounds, I imagined what it would be like in subsequent years. We would have a little baby with us! What a strange and amazing thought!


Let's fast forward to today, to this year.

I am holding my sleeping little one, almost four months old.

My husband said this morning that the bluegrass festival is this weekend.
We won't be there. Cecilia is pretty little and my husband has farmer's markets on Friday and Saturday.

He said something else that totally threw me off guard. "It'll only be a few years more that we could go the the festival, since school starts the next Monday..."

What??!

Our little one is going up be in kindergarten in a few short years.

I don't think I can handle this.


Please  stay little.
Don't grow too fast.


What a year it has been.

I still catch myself thinking these two things:
"I'm 31 and I have a baby??"

I am in my 30s. That just sounds so old to me. Yes, I know it isn't old. Don't get all offended, please. Thinking about kids going off to college or even thinking about high school and the person I was. That seems like a lifetime ago. About twelve years since high school. Oh, goodness. Why did I have to do that math?

It's official. I am old.

A couple weeks ago, we went out on our first date night sans baby. We went to an Italian restaurant before going to a show, and I was really looking forward to a glass of wine. (I wouldn't have to breastfeed and I even wore a regular shirt!)The waitress didn't card me. Yep, I am old.

I guess Riesling is a more sophisticated beverage choice?


Thinking about the [obvious] fact I am a parent still boggles my mind. I have a little person to take care of. She is helpless. Long gone are the lazy mornings, sleeping in. Baby girl will wake me up and be hungry or need a diaper change. So long to the daily shower. (They are a hot commodity now.)

The positives outweigh it all.

The smiles she gives, the cuddles, her little hand holding tightly to my shirt as she nurses, seeing her grow and develop everyday.

Best year ever. <3

is homesteading a fancy or a feeling?

I found myself standing at the counter shelling peas yesterday, wearing Cecilia in the ring sling since she was not wanting to nap anywhere else.

As I stood there, trying to catch my stride, breaking the stem, pulling the pea's string and opening the pod just right to slide my thumb down to finesse the peas into the Pyrex bowl, a pea shoots out and hits me and one falls on the floor.

My high school self wouldn't even know me.

It's hard to pin point when I started wanting to seek a more self-sustaining lifestyle. It has been a gradual process, of course. I think it started shortly after I got married. I began baking bread instead of buying it, and volunteered at an organic vegetable farm.

Fast forward seven years and I'm living on a farm, where we have chickens and my husband grows vegetables. It is a slippery slope, my friends.

It took me an hour and ten minutes to shell two gallon bags of peas. The thought that a bag of frozen peas cost $1.49 is insane. Also, insane that I am spending seventy minutes shelling peas, in addition to blanching and freezing them myself. (Of said peas, I only got eight cups of peas, equaling four quart bags of two cups each.) I'm a novice pea sheller, so give me a break. The third bag went a little faster.

My husband and I have been drawn to the homesteading idea for quite a while.

I'm not to the point where I'm weaving the fabric for our homemade clothes from the sheep in the backyard or milking the goats. (Milking goats is more attainable of a goal, but I secretly want sheep... the idea of spinning and dying yarn sounds so magical.)

With a little one in our lives now, I am more driven to keep farming and working the land in the forefront. I want her to know where her food comes from and what responsibility is.  Yes, my husband and I both have smart phones and we own a TV, but I hope that Cecilia chooses to chase barn cats and pick dandelion bouquets over watching a video on some screen.

Oh, but being a new Mama and trying to pick green beans and snow peas... it isn't easy. We have, what we call the "baby pod," that we put Cecilia in. It's a little screened in playpen with dangling toys to keep little ones entertained. I put the baby pod at the end of the garden bed and furiously pick in baskets until I hear her cry. Mostly it's because she's wiggled so much her body is perpendicular to where she was and her head is hitting the side of the pod. I did attempt to pick beans while holding her and, as you can imagine, it went amazingly slow.

The goal of most parents is to make a life for their children better than their own, but my husband and I both had really good childhoods. I remember swimming for hours in our pool and taking really long bike rides on back roads. (I also remember eating lots of Doritos and Little Debbie Oatmeal Cream Pies and watching TRL everyday after school.)

Homesteading is a lesson of patience and hard work, among many other things.

Shelling peas wasn't something I had planned on doing... ever, but the seed company we order from accidently mixed their snap pea seeds with shelling peas. It was a lesson in slowing down and appreciating the time and energy required to enjoy the food. How often do we mindlessly eat, and just shovel food in our mouths because we're bored? Working for our food isn't necessary anymore and an office job doesn't allow us to.

I desire a slower, more intentional life.

I'm still going to want to go out for ice cream and ask for rainbow sprinkles.

I'm not perfect.

And I can guarantee that these peas will be saved for some really special occasions. <3

Time is flying by

Wow. It has been well over a month since my last post. The days are just flying by. I was so fortunate last month to be able to see my friends from high school two weekends in a row! First weekend was for my baby shower and then for my friend's baby shower the following weekend.

The four of us, have kept in contact over the years and I am so blessed to have them in my life. Our friendship has now entered a new phase- Motherhood. It is amazing to see how we have changed as we have taken on this new role as Moms.

My friend told me that when her husband came home from work and asked her what she did that day, she said, "I have been busy all day, but I can't tell you what I did."

This is so true.

Being home with a baby keeps you busy, but how did the day go by so fast? Where did it go?

Having the responsibility of taking care of a little human is exhausting, but so fulfilling.

In my last post, I talked about balancing things out- tasks on my to-do list, both necessities and desires. I'm still working on that. I think I will be constantly be juggling everything and trying to find time to shower.

I still haven't sewn a dress for Cecilia and I have, unfortunately, missed the window of opportunity. (The dress won't fit her now.)

I have done some other creative projects recently. They have been enjoyable to work on, but it has been more of a challenge since it requires much more time to complete anything.

I crocheted a panda bear for my friend who is having a baby at the end of the month,

I sewed a dress for my friend's baby who just turned one,

and crocheted a cute ski hat for another friend who just had a little one in June.

I am slowly knitting a hat for Cecilia. By this rate it should be done by the time snow flies. I just haven't had the time to sit and work on it. Or if I do have the time, I'm either catching up on dishes, laundry or sitting on the couch trying to catch my breath.

I feel like time is flying by. It's hard to believe it has been three months since my little girl's memorable debut.

Let the adventure continue. <3

Balancing act

I used to do a lot of things, like sew, crochet, sleep, shower...

Am I sad about it? Not really.

Priorities have been all switched up.

Parenting is a balancing act. Trying to accomplish everything on the to-do list isn't so much a top priority when you have a newborn. I mean, yes, I still do our laundry and vacuum. I haven't given up basic responsibilities, but I don't get upset when I can't get to a task right away.

Since we didn't know Cecilia was going to be a girl, I didn't make any cute girly things for her. I started making a Pinterest board of baby things to make before I was even pregnant. (I did crochet a cardigan, but my gauge was way off and so it won't fit her until she's in preschool. And I crocheted a pair of baby loafers and booties- gender neutral, just to be safe.)  I borrowed a dress pattern from my mother-in-law and have had the pieces cut out for about... two weeks. Good night. It's not even a hard pattern. I've made it a couple times already for friends' babies. When I get around to my "normal" tasks like dishes and laundry, there isn't much time for sewing.

Another thing that I haven't made time for is working out. I remember feeling large and in charge and looking forward to being able to do regular workouts with higher intensity. I'm only five weeks out from my delivery, so it's still early. But I'm going to be honest with you-- my recovery was pretty quick, as in, I felt pretty much 100%-back-to-normal after two weeks. In my defense, I am still adjusting to my new sleep schedule or lack there of. Getting up early to workout when I've only gotten a few hours of sleep isn't real appetizing. I would rather sleep in a little bit more and eat a donut. That sounds good to me.

Getting up in the middle of the night isn't my favorite, but when I sit down to nurse Cecilia, my selfishness fades away and I only see her. A minute before, she was crying and so upset, and then as she eats, her eyes close and she cuddles up close to me. She is at peace. She is content.

When she's done and smiles in her sleep, that right there makes it all worth it.

Last night when she fell asleep as I tried to burp her on my shoulder, her little mouth was slightly open. Her little bottom lip hung out as she snored quietly, it was perfect.

It's funny to think about what life will be with a baby when you don't have kids yet. People say, "What did I do before my baby? I don't even remember!"  Pssh, of course I remember. I used to only do things for my husband and I. There was only the two of us. Now, in this stage of life, there's a newborn that needs constant attention. It won't always be this way. Someday, our little one will be more independent and won't want to cuddle or be soothed.

Babies are only little for a short while. I will get back to sewing and crocheting.
(Well, I hope I can get this dress sewn, so Cecilia can wear it...) There's always naptime. How do you think I had time to write this? <3